Intimacy: Who do you love? - Do you choose to love your family?

 

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

Luke 15:11-32

DAILY BYTE

There is an old saying that you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family... This is true, except, of course, in some cases of adoption, but even then, there is often little choice over who becomes a part of the family. We cannot choose whom we are bound to through blood, genetics, and family bonds, but we can choose the way that we love these people.

It seems that often we save the worst of ourselves for our families — the grumpy early morning, late evening selves, tired from the daily grind and lacking in patience. The people we live with particularly see the most “interesting” sides of our characters, as we try to work out on a daily basis how to navigate some of the smallest crossroads like who gets to use the bathroom mirror first, who takes out the rubbish, and who pays the bills. These are minor crossroads that easily can turn into medium to large sized arguments, if we choose to be irritable, selfish, lazy, or power-hungry. Likewise, we often take advantage of our family in terms of time. We over-schedule ourselves with work, recreation, and friends so that often spending quality time with our children, our spouses, our parents, and our extended family gets squashed out, since we “know” that they’ll “always be around, and we can do that later.”

We often hold onto grudges in families much longer than any grudge we might hold with a friend because we have a closeness with family, even if only in terms of blood, that cannot be matched by anyone else, and because they are so close, they have the greatest ability to wound us. And oh, aren’t we good at wounding in return.

In the parable for today from the Gospel of Luke, we see members of a family in a fairly familiar picture — a parent who has been betrayed by a black sheep of a foolish child. We see a child who has taken advantage of a parent’s generosity, and we see another child who is trying to be obedient to the parent. And as life does, it takes a turn, and each family member has a choice to make. The foolish child chooses whether or not to return and face up to shameful choices. The parent chooses whether or not to welcome the wandering child home. The sibling chooses whether or not to hold onto a grudge and the sting of jealousy.

They all must choose whether or not they want to offer and receive grace. They must choose if they want to give each other the gift of time and celebration of one another’s life and relationship. They must choose the attitude they want to show to the people who are tied to them by blood and family bonds, no matter what has happened between them since they last met. They must choose vulnerability and humility or anger and abuse. They must choose what is more important — all that they have made and acquired or squandered and lost — or all that the bonds between them continuously hold. They must choose if they want to withhold what they have or sacrifice for each other. We must choose these things. God calls us not to take the family we have been given for granted. We are called to work at shaping our families to look like God’s family.

Questions for reflection:

1. Are you choosing to hold grudges within your family? Do you find yourself at an impass in your relationships with other family members? How might God be calling you to show love to the other person? What is preventing you from doing that?
2. How does your family choose to show love through traditions and celebrations? What traditions are precious to you and signify God’s love for you? What traditions might you like to begin?

Choosing New Paths:

1. Intentionally reach out to a family member you have not spoken with for a long time, for whatever reason. Apologize, if necessary. Ask to hear any stories that they have of your wider family life.
2. Carve some special time out of one day this week purposefully to spend quality time with another member of your family. Go for a walk, cook a meal together, etc. Love does not need to be expensive. Celebrate your relationship together in some meaningful way.

PRAYER
Father God, may I love every member of my family the way that you love every member of yours. In Jesus’ name I pray this. Amen.