Wednesday 20 May - Friends

DAILY BYTE

We’ve been discussing love this week, but love is certainly not confined just to romance! Long-term friendships are based on giving and receiving throughout all kinds of crises and phases in life. Some friends give more than they receive. Others seem like a bottomless pit of reception. And sometimes, in friendship we find moments of balance. It never ceases to amaze me, though, how often the people I think will offer me the least end up becoming some of the friends I love the most.

I had a friend once who refused to spend time with some other friends. And when I asked her why, she said, ‘Those people simply exhaust me. I never receive anything from them, so I just would rather spend time with people who energize me.’ And while I see her point, that we must know ourselves so that we can be intentional about how we exert ourselves and reach out to others with our finite energy and love. But, her statement has still always saddened me.

Because it seems we approach a lot of friendships and other relationships by asking what can this person give me that I don’t have already. Equally sad is the alternative often given to such selfishness - of giving everything to everyone all the time, which can also be life-zapping and unsustainable. It’s all about what I can give – how others will be helped by me.

The kind of me-centeredness about what I need and I give very quickly can lead to emptiness and resentment. Because we were made in the image of God to be in relationship, as God is in relationship with God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and as God is constantly in relationship with us.

But to live in the kinds of relationships that we are called to – the kinds that love even when there is no return – we must totally redirect our concept of love from one that is derived from us and instead realize that all love is derived from God. We must translate our language of “being in love” to a language of “living out of a source of love.”

The passage from the Gospel of John today says, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love.” That means, that we live in and through God every moment of our lives in every relationship that we encounter. All of the ways we live in life are about love. Because all of life is about our relationship with God, and God is all love – abounding in steadfast love, the scriptures say.

A famous Gregorian chant goes, “ubi caritas et amor, deus tibi est,” which means, “Where charity and love are, there God is.” It goes on, “The love of Christ has gathered us into one. Let us exult, and in Him be joyful. Let us fear and let us love the living God. And from a sincere heart let us love each other.” Some scholars think these words come from the very earliest churches, and in the history of the church, this chant has been sung during footwashing ceremonies on Holy Thursday before Christ’s crucifixion. We learn how to serve and give all the love we are able in a given moment in time through abiding in – living every moment soaking in – the love that God has already given us.

If we rush to complete ourselves with other people and things, we run out of energy and love to give. But if we live out of the source of God’s living love, then the love we give others is endless, and the love we can receive from others is endless.

Is God the source of your love?


GUIDING SCRIPTURE

John 15:9-12 (The Message)

“I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done – kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love. I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you.”