With My Tears I Melt My Mattress

DAILY BYTE

Today we will focus on the second misconception mentioned by Davis which is: That there is no place for despair or fear (or grief) in the Christian life.

Recently, a friend of mine told me that he had left the church he had been attending for many years, because they wouldn’t let him properly grieve his wife’s miscarriage. They kept insisting that he should ‘overcome’ and ‘claim his victory,’ but the problem was that he was just not ready for that. He needed time and space to properly cry and mourn a devastating event, and only then would he be able to move on.

The point here really is the same for anger - that to pretend our moments of grief, failure, sadness and depression are not there because we worry that to experience them is to lack faith is actually just fake, hollow and unreal. Faith in Jesus does not mean we live in bulletproof bubbles that life’s difficulties just bounce off. Faith is not just for good, happy and victorious moments, but also for moments when life goes pear-shaped and we are swamped by forces beyond our control.

The story of my friend reminds us that sometimes Christians seem to feel that there is no room in our faith for despair or fear. This is seen in many modern worship songs, where the majority of them express only feelings of joy and love. But what about the other darker sides of life?

In stark contrast to this, Eugene Peterson estimates that about 70% of all Psalms in Scripture are actually laments. They are expressions of sadness, grief or downright doubt and disbelief in God and his plans to make this world a better place – like today’s focus reading which questions God’s presence and with deeply moving groans testifies that the Psalmist weeps so much every night that he ‘melts’ his mattress..

What is most fascinating about these Psalms of Lament is that they begin with tears but almost always end with thanksgiving. Yet they make this move without ever telling us that the external situation has changed for the better! In this way, they remind us that the peace and comfort of God’s presence can be found even amidst the worst of life’s troubles, and that we can praise God for that. But before we can do that with honestly and with integrity, we first have to move through the reality of our hurt and pain - we have to grieve and lament and doubt.

Again, just like with anger, the direction of these emotions is vitally important. Rather than turning them inwardly to our own personal detriment, or puking them up without thought or care onto innocent bystanders, we express them to God as openly and honestly as we can – we direct them upwards. It is by trusting these emotions to God and working through them with him, that we find potential healing and transformation.

PRAY AS YOU GO

O God, I bring before you my grief, hurt, pain and doubt. Help me to remember that I can trust you even with the very worst of these emotions and that I am not failing you when I struggle with them. Help me to trust you now and always in this. Amen.

FOCUS READING

Psalm 6:3-7

Be gracious to me, Lord, for I am languishing. Heal me Lord, for my bones are rattled. And you, Lord – how long? Turn, Lord, deliver my being! Save me for the sake of your covenant loyalty! For in death there is no remembrance of you. In Sheol, who gives thanks to you? I am exhausted with my groaning. I make my bed swim every night; with my tears I melt my mattress.