Intimacy: Who do you love? - Do you choose to love yourself?

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

John 15:9-13

DAILY BYTE

During counselling before marriage, one of the best pieces of advice I was given was that you must acknowledge your own, personal issues and make a plan to work through them before walking down the aisle - because everything that is unresolved at one end of the aisle will remain unresolved at the other end—only there, every issue of yours is doubled by the issues of your new life partner... Our own love (or lack thereof) of ourselves affects those we love!

Often, as Christian people, we concentrate so hard on how we are supposed to share love in our interactions with others that we forget quite easily God’s call for us also to love ourselves. That doesn’t even mean that we need to like ourselves all the time - it means much more than that. We are called to be committed to a way of life that allows love to “abide” within us, as the scripture for today from John says.

Before we can love anyone else, as the Gospel of John calls us to in verses 12 and 13, we are first called to let God’s love live in us. In his book, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World, the well-known writer, Henri Nouwen, writes to a friend, saying “The greatest gift my friendship can give to you is the gift of your Belovedness. I can give that gift only insofar as I have claimed it for myself. Isn’t that what friendship is all about: giving to each other the gift of our Belovedness?”

I remember waking up one groggy morning in seminary, rolling out of bed with the tiredness of a few hours’ sleep weighing down the bags under my eyes, and as I trudged into the bathroom and switched on the light, I noticed a small slip of paper stuck to the mirror at eye level. You are beautiful, it said. You are beloved. It felt difficult to believe, and yet, there it was. The love and belovedness that lived in the heart of one of my roommates had overflowed onto a simple piece of paper to bring me a reminder that I was beloved, too. I left that paper there for the whole rest of the year.

We all need a reminder in the mirror that before anything else that we do or say or fail to do or say, we are simply beloved children of God. Sometimes when we look in the mirror, seeing our wrinkles - some from past grief and some from anxious hope - seeing the things about ourselves that are in need of improvement, as we paste our hair down with wax and our pores closed with makeup - we fail to see first that we were created by a loving God who wants to shower that love on and through every intimate part of who we are.

Perhaps you’re thinking that you have quite a good relationship with yourself, and you know that you’re a child of God. But we all choose parts of ourselves to fill with disappointment and frustration, even just annoyance. God wants us actively to choose to open every part of ourselves and make it a living space for God’s love. God wants us to care for our whole beings in ways that reflect our understanding that every part of ourselves is beloved. Do you choose today to accept that belovedness and love yourself?

Questions for reflection:

1. Can you choose today to look in a “mirror” - examine yourself carefully - your appearance, your personality, your style of developing and maintaining relationships with God and with other people, your mind’s functioning, your heart’s longings, your body’s abilities and aches, and be honest with yourself. Which parts do you love? Which parts need the abiding presence of God’s love?
2. How can you choose to open yourself more deeply to the presence of God’s abundantly generous and accepting love in these particular parts of your life? How can you celebrate who you are and the things that you already love about yourself? How might God celebrate these things about you?

PRAYER

God, help me to accept that I am beloved in your eyes. May I come to love myself with humility and grace, as you have loved, do love, and will always love me. Allow the love the lives within me to overflow into the lives of others. I pray this in Jesus’ name, who taught us how to love with his generosity of spirit and his sacrifice. Amen.

Intimacy: Who do you love? - Do you choose to love people of other races and cultures?

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

Romans 12:9-18, 1 Cor 13:1-13

DAILY BYTE

The other day, I stood in the till line at Spar absentmindedly watching carrots, toothpaste, and cereal go through the scanner and be scooped up by the bagger. In a bit of a dream world, I awoke when the cashier began to chat passionately with the bagger in isiZulu. My understanding of the language is minimal, but I knew a few words in their conversation — enough to gather the gist of what was being said. I smiled right as the bagger looked up and noticed the giggle on my face. She burst into a huge grin and said - ohhhhhh - you understand! And everyone laughed all around. As I walked away, I realized that I wished such moments would happen more often. Moments of connection and pure joy, moments of understanding between people who on the outside have little in common.

And then I realized that I am largely responsible for the fact that these moments do not happen more often. I claim to love people of other races and cultures, but l expect them to bend to my way of doing things, and there is no such selfishness in the love that God teaches us. I am fascinated by the diversity of people and traditions that the world holds and that I believe, is a delight to God. And yet, with the excuse that there is simply not enough time, I fail to learn the language of so many people around me. A language that might offer me an insight into their lives, a key to unlocking a deeper relationship with them and with God.

We read in Romans today that we are to “live peaceably with all” - that we are to “live in harmony with one another” - that we are to “rejoice with those who rejoice” and “weep with those who weep.” And of course it is true that much communication can happen without the use of words, but even God uses the spoken and written word to communicate with us. God is The Word. And so if we fail to reach out with language to others, perhaps we are failing to be like Christ to them. If we are avoiding the traditions of other cultures, afraid that we don’t have the words or viewpoints to understand them or appreciate them, then perhaps we are not loving in the way that 1 Corinthians describes it - patient and not insisting on its own way.

If we fail to make listening and speaking with others who are different from us a priority, even if that requires the learning of a whole new language, then perhaps rejoicing and weeping with others will not be possible to the depth that we and God desire.

If we claim to love others who are different from us but only notice them from a distance - only talk about them instead of with them - only listen to voices that sound like our own instead of opening our ears to hear a different way of describing and living in the world, are we really choosing to love others? Are we keeping many people around us at arm’s length, away from the intimate parts of ourselves? Are we complacent, choosing only to love those who look and sound like we do? As we seek to love those who are different from us more deeply, may the words of Psalm 19:14 be made real: Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Question for reflection:

Do you choose to listen - truly listen - to people of cultures and languages that are different from your own? Or do you find yourself ignoring the sounds of their voices? If you are listening, what have you heard? How might that lead to greater understanding and harmony? If you have been a little deaf, what steps might you take to choose to hear and communicate more clearly? Might you need to learn a new language - either linguistic or of the heart?

PRAYER

Pray today the Prayer of St. Francis, asking that in our choice to seek understanding of others through our words and actions, we might bring greater peace to the world.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.

Intimacy: Who do you love? - Do you choose to love your family?

 

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

Luke 15:11-32

DAILY BYTE

There is an old saying that you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family... This is true, except, of course, in some cases of adoption, but even then, there is often little choice over who becomes a part of the family. We cannot choose whom we are bound to through blood, genetics, and family bonds, but we can choose the way that we love these people.

It seems that often we save the worst of ourselves for our families — the grumpy early morning, late evening selves, tired from the daily grind and lacking in patience. The people we live with particularly see the most “interesting” sides of our characters, as we try to work out on a daily basis how to navigate some of the smallest crossroads like who gets to use the bathroom mirror first, who takes out the rubbish, and who pays the bills. These are minor crossroads that easily can turn into medium to large sized arguments, if we choose to be irritable, selfish, lazy, or power-hungry. Likewise, we often take advantage of our family in terms of time. We over-schedule ourselves with work, recreation, and friends so that often spending quality time with our children, our spouses, our parents, and our extended family gets squashed out, since we “know” that they’ll “always be around, and we can do that later.”

We often hold onto grudges in families much longer than any grudge we might hold with a friend because we have a closeness with family, even if only in terms of blood, that cannot be matched by anyone else, and because they are so close, they have the greatest ability to wound us. And oh, aren’t we good at wounding in return.

In the parable for today from the Gospel of Luke, we see members of a family in a fairly familiar picture — a parent who has been betrayed by a black sheep of a foolish child. We see a child who has taken advantage of a parent’s generosity, and we see another child who is trying to be obedient to the parent. And as life does, it takes a turn, and each family member has a choice to make. The foolish child chooses whether or not to return and face up to shameful choices. The parent chooses whether or not to welcome the wandering child home. The sibling chooses whether or not to hold onto a grudge and the sting of jealousy.

They all must choose whether or not they want to offer and receive grace. They must choose if they want to give each other the gift of time and celebration of one another’s life and relationship. They must choose the attitude they want to show to the people who are tied to them by blood and family bonds, no matter what has happened between them since they last met. They must choose vulnerability and humility or anger and abuse. They must choose what is more important — all that they have made and acquired or squandered and lost — or all that the bonds between them continuously hold. They must choose if they want to withhold what they have or sacrifice for each other. We must choose these things. God calls us not to take the family we have been given for granted. We are called to work at shaping our families to look like God’s family.

Questions for reflection:

1. Are you choosing to hold grudges within your family? Do you find yourself at an impass in your relationships with other family members? How might God be calling you to show love to the other person? What is preventing you from doing that?
2. How does your family choose to show love through traditions and celebrations? What traditions are precious to you and signify God’s love for you? What traditions might you like to begin?

Choosing New Paths:

1. Intentionally reach out to a family member you have not spoken with for a long time, for whatever reason. Apologize, if necessary. Ask to hear any stories that they have of your wider family life.
2. Carve some special time out of one day this week purposefully to spend quality time with another member of your family. Go for a walk, cook a meal together, etc. Love does not need to be expensive. Celebrate your relationship together in some meaningful way.

PRAYER
Father God, may I love every member of my family the way that you love every member of yours. In Jesus’ name I pray this. Amen.

Intimacy: Who do you love? - Do you choose to love people of different socio-economic “classes”?

 

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

Luke 14:12-14; Galatians 3:27-29

DAILY BYTE

A while back, I went to speak at a school in a township around Durban, and while on my way driving there from the Berea, I realized with shock that I had not left the Berea in over two months. I had done my shopping, my recreating, my working, my worshipping, my everything within about a six block radius. I didn’t have to leave - everything I needed physically was at my disposal. Of course, there’s plenty that God wants us to do and become exactly where we are. And yet, when I moved into another area, my awareness of the difference in peoples’ life circumstances was heightened. I realized that I had been spending a whole lot of time associating only with people who are just like me - somewhere in the upper middle of the socio-economic spectrum.

Likewise, I attended a workshop at the home of a wealthy person in another part of Durban and realized I had not been in such company for a long time. My eyes immediately began to judge, as they touched on the mounds of expensive things.

I claim to love everyone – to have wealthy friends and poor, and yet, in these instances I was shocked by how little close contact I truly had with people who live in different life circumstances from my own. Of course, we encounter a vast spectrum of wealth and poverty in our own neighbourhood every day. At each traffic light we are reminded by the homeless and young boys begging for change and rubbish that we live in a society where there is a vast disparity between poverty and wealth. And it is hard to live in this place. It is hard to be confronted with that reality constantly, no matter which side of the spectrum we’re on. And so we turn our eyes. We avoid the stares of people who want and also the stare of people who have more than we do. We give to the Poor Fund and work with those who have more money than we do, but how often do we truly choose to make these people our friends? What does it mean not only to agree to live in the same community together but also actively to love each other?

In the scripture from Luke for today, Jesus reminds us that true love is lived in humility, choosing not to place ourselves higher or lower than any other person but choosing to sit around a table and share meals and life with those who live differently. How rarely we open our tables with intimate and radical hospitality in this way – even though we know that it is often at the table where the grittiness and joy of our lives are shared and where we learn to love each other more deeply.

And in Galatians, we are reminded that no matter what our social situation, we are all one, bonded together through the love of Christ. Surely, even though it is difficult, we must be able to learn from this example how to broaden our ways of loving to include those who are both wealthier and poorer than we are. Surely if we do this, we will become less judgmental and understand more fully what the love of God looks like. Surely.

Questions for reflection:

1. In what ways are you choosing to love those within your neighborhood and beyond who are in a different socio-economic bracket than you? 
2. If you found that you could not answer the previous question, or if you found that you would like to deepen the response you gave, what practical steps might you take to reach out lovingly to both the rich and the poor?

PRAYER

Lord, teach us to share a love that reaches through socio-economic circumstances deep into your heart. Help us lay aside our judgment, weariness, and complacency, instead taking up your compassion. In Jesus’ name we pray this. Amen.

Integrity: What do you stand for? - Confirmation

 

FOCUS SCRIPTURE

Acts 8:14-17

DAILY BYTE

The theme that we’ve been exploring this week has been integrity. And the question that has guided this exploration has been, ‘What do you stand for?’ As we bring this week’s devotions to a close today, we do so by considering a special rite of the Church that connects directly with this theme - Confirmation.

It’s important to acknowledge that within different churches there are different understandings of confirmation, and so the practices around confirmation in various churches differ accordingly. Some churches regard confirmation as a sacrament - an outward sign that points to the inner workings of God’s grace in someone’s life.

Within the Methodist tradition, confirmation most commonly happens for high-school youth after a period of instruction in the fundamentals of the Christian faith. Those being confirmed make a public profession of faith in Christ and receive the laying on of hands as the church prays for the Holy Spirit to confirm in them all that was claimed for them and promised to them when they were baptised. It is a special and beautiful moment!

The particular significance of the practice of confirmation in our tradition is that it marks a transition point in the life of the person being confirmed, from being a “child in the faith”, to someone who is now regarded as a “responsible adult in the faith.” As such, confirmation could rightly be regarded as a spiritual rite of passage - ushering the confirmand from spiritual childhood, through adolescence (the period of instruction in the confirmation process), into the maturity of responsible faith.

Of course, in one sense we will always remain ‘children in the faith’, wholly dependent upon the grace and goodness of God, and ’beginners’ when it comes to grasping the mysteries of God’s love. And retaining a child-like spirit is so important for entering the Kingdom of God. But in another sense there comes a point for all of us when we need to grow up in the faith and decide for ourselves - ‘Where do I stand? What do I believe?’ In fact, this doesn’t happen only once in our lives, but repeatedly. And every time those core questions are raised for us, and we’re able to affirm or re-affirm our commitment to stand on the side of truth as a believer of the gospel, it’s like Confirmation is happening all over again, as the Spirit is poured out upon us, equipping us for the tasks of faithful discipleship in the world.

There’s something truly exciting about this, but it can be quite uncomfortable too. As we’ve seen in our devotions this week, living lives of integrity as we seek to stand for what is true can be very costly. But God is far more concerned about the formation of our character than the preservation of our comfort, such is the nature of God’s love. What a beautiful reminder how prized and precious and dearly valued our lives really are, that God refuses to settle for second best for us!

Questions for reflection:

1. Think of some of the experiences that you have had in your life that really stretched and grew your faith. What happened? How do you feel about those experiences now?
2. If you were to stand up and make a public profession of what you believe, what would you say? Why not start working on your own personal creed now, beginning with the words, ‘I believe.’

PRAYER

An Uncomfortable Vision (by Rev John van de Laar)

We say that we long for the day of your coming, Jesus,
that we watch the sky, eager for a glimpse of your glory,
that we thrill at imagining the last trumpet call.
But we don’t really; not, when we are honest about what we know it would mean.

When your reign is fully revealed in our world, Jesus,
it will be an uncomfortable vision for us,
one of simplicity that challenges our excess;
one of egality that undermines our privilege;
one of meekness that disarms our aggression;
one of temperance that subjugates our appetites.

Yet, in truth, as uncomfortable as it is,
we know that it is only in your justice that life can be found.
So, prepare our hearts, help us to make straight paths,
and lead us in songs of praise, as we celebrate