Day 12 - Two vital signs

READING: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Having a living faith is the central focus of this entire Lenten programme. A living faith that really makes a practical, tangible difference in how we live our lives. Such a faith is rooted in Christ and is continually growing in love. It nourishes who we are, gives us strength and courage to face life’s many challenges, and brings hope and joy to our everyday lives.

Nowhere is this more important, and necessary, than in our relationships with others. For our relationships with others touch the very core of our essential purpose as people. To paraphrase the well-know African ubuntu proverb: People are only truly people when they are in relationship with other people.

So what difference will a faith that is rooted in Christ and growing in love make to our relationships? What are some of the vital signs of healthy relationships that, if evident in our lives, will point to a living faith actively at work within us? There are, of course, many - but here are some brief reflections on just two.

Acceptance
Learning to let go of our natural tendencies to dominate and control others, and coming to a place of deep acceptance of who they are, is a vital sign of healthy relationships. The illusion that we can change people is precisely that - an illusion. The sooner we come to realise that our agendas to try to change those around us only cause alienation, frustration and unhappiness, the better. This is the costly nature of unconditional love, as we come to acknowledge that there are things about those closest to us that we would honestly prefer to be different, but we’re called to love and accept them as they are, regardless. And that we will continue to love and accept them as they are, even if they never change.

This does not mean that we have no part to play in the growth and maturation of others, in which tremendous transformation can happen in their lives. Far from it! One of the principle channels that God uses to reach people is other people. And we are an important resource in God’s hands for God’s work of transformation to unfold. But we need to remember what our part in this process is. It’s our unconditional acceptance of people as they are that can provide for them the space to discover who they have been created to be, and to begin to live out of that identity more and more. This is precisely what God’s transformative work does - it restores people to their true selves.

Again, this does not mean that destructive and inappropriate behaviour should simply be tolerated and never challenged. ‘Speaking the truth in love’ (Eph 4:15) is an essential part of healthy relationships. But there’s a world of difference between addressing inappropriate behaviour, and trying to change who somebody is. Letting go of every hint of domination and coercive control will be liberating and life-giving for any relationship.

Presence
Another vital sign of your capacity for life-giving relationship is your capacity to be truly present with people. I love the story in Mark 5:21-43 when Jesus is on the way to Jairus’ house whose daughter is critically ill, and a woman with a severe bleeding disorder snuck up in the crowd to touch Jesus’ cloak. And Jesus stopped to find out who had touched him, and then listened to this woman’s story, and then dismissed her with his blessing of peace and promise of wholeness. It’s a beautiful story which speaks of Jesus’ remarkable presence to those around him. Which, not surprisingly, was experienced as a healing presence.

It’s a challenging reminder to us that the investment of ourselves in our interactions with others is the greatest gift that we can bring to them. This is what children need most of all from their parents. It’s what spouses need most of all from each other. In fact, for any relationship to experience some form of authentic depth, it requires the gift of presence being given as abundantly as possible.

PUTTING FAITH INTO ACTION:

Think of somebody who is a source of great frustration or stress for you. Assume that the things about them that you dislike are not going to change. Now, in the light of that recognition, what can you do to love them as they are?

When last did you really listen - without interruption or judgement - to those in your life that are closest to you? What could you do about this?

Really playing with children is not only good for them, it is like food for our souls - as children’s capacity for acceptance and presence, generally speaking, is far greater than adults’. What are you doing to take hold of this gift - with your own children, grandchildren, nieces & nephews?

PRAYER:

Lord God, you have made us to be in relationship, apart from which we would literally wither and die. Help us to embrace this fundamental dimension of who we are, and to recognise the incredible gift that it is to us. May our relationships be forged by our faith, that they may come to reflect more and more the same qualities of unconditional acceptance and loving presence that you, so graciously, show to us. Amen.