It’s Not About Just Being Nice

DAILY BYTE

When I was a little girl, I remember clearly my mother, father, and other elders navigating arguments between my brother and I. They usually went something like: “It was his fault!” “No, it was her fault!” And then, my mother mediating with a “Just say you’re sorry...no, say it like you mean it!” We are often taught from a young age that forgiveness must be immediately given and immediately accepted because that is the nice and fair way to operate. We’re also taught that it is socially acceptable to put on a happy face and pretend that nothing’s overtly wrong, even when underneath, we are navigating challenging and broken personal relationships and community dynamics that constantly need for us to be engaging in a journey toward forgiveness.

But, being a Christian is not about rushing to conclusions. Being a Christian is not about pretending to be something or someone that we are not. Being a Christian is about journeying a long path together. And that path miraculously and graciously draws us nearer and nearer to the heart of God’s forgiveness and nearer and nearer to one another.

It’s easy for us to think that we can temporarily ignore reflecting on the need for forgiveness, if we are not particularly angry with anyone at this point in time. But, perhaps, this is a poignant time in your life for you to be thinking about the need for us to forgive and be forgiven. Maybe someone was unfaithful to you in a relationship, hurt you physically, or just didn’t live up to expectations. Perhaps someone has wronged you in a way that you find simply unforgiveable. Or maybe, you are finding it impossible to forgive yourself. I know no one who is free from these kinds of struggles.

A few months ago, I was sitting in a course on teaching Bible studies during my final semester of seminary. I was minding my own business and tuning in and out of the discussion led by my classmates on loving your enemies. The final exercise, as their forty-five minutes of Bible study fame wound down was for us all to write letters to the people we considered our enemies – the people we were unable to forgive. I thought to myself, well, I don’t have any big grudges – I generally get along with people. And then, I put the pencil to the paper, and out of the deepest corner of my heart popped a man who had wronged me indirectly through hurting my father. I sat paralyzed, unable even to write his name. My heart was numb, hard, guarded. I wondered, if I forgive him, does it mean that I’m condoning his behavior? Does it even matter, if I forgive him? I’ll probably never see him again ... he may never find out. What’s the point of opening myself up to this pain again?

I wonder who is in the long hard process of forgiving you. I wonder whom you are trying to forgive. I wonder if you are blowing through life so quickly that you find it hard to take a moment and think about the status of your relationships and your community’s life.

And so, take a moment to be still today, even putting a pen to paper, if you need to. Pray over your relationships without avoidance and fear but with patience for the process of forgiveness and knowledge that God has already forgiven us all from the deepest part of God’s heart. If you wonder if there is a point to our forgiveness, take a few more moments to consider the overwhelming love that is all of ours through this heart of God. Choose today to receive it.

PRAY AS YOU GO

As you are still and thinking about those whom you need to forgive and those forgiving you, pray this prayer in conversation with God, knowing that all has already been forgiven.

Father, forgive them.
Father, forgive us.
Father, forgive.

SCRIPTURE READING

1 John 1:8 – 1 John 2:2

If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; and he is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.