Avoiding conflict

DAILY BYTE

It really matters how we deal with conflict. It matters not just to our personal relationships, but to the communities of which we are a part. Unresolved conflict is like a cancer that can erode marriages, families, businesses, organizations, political parties and most certainly the church. So when conflict arises, as it invariably will, how we deal with it really matters.

Many people prefer not to deal with conflict at all. They rather avoid it at all costs – as they smile sweetly and pretend that all is OK and go on their merry way. It’s a strategy for dealing with conflict that is fatally flawed. When conflict is ignored, especially when it is serious and ongoing, it takes root in hidden places within us and then expresses itself in shadowy, unpredictable and usually very destructive ways. Festering resentment and bitterness can suddenly explode in volatile anger, or can express itself in passive aggressive ways that are really like subtle acts of relational sabotage, or it can be turned inward and present as depression (though there are, of course, other reasons for depression too), or it can give rise to cynicism that robs life of much of its joy. This is not the abundant life that God intends for us. Clearly, ignoring conflict in the hope that it will just go away is a very naïve and short-sighted approach.

Are you one of those who would rather avoid conflict? That’s perfectly understandable as conflict is, by definition, uncomfortable. But if you’re one of those who avoid conflict at all costs, I need to say that the cost of doing so is way too high.

The good news is that dealing with conflict creatively is possible. And when that happens, conflict can actually become a positive force for growth and relational maturity. It can also give to us a deeper insight into the nature of God’s reconciling love, and the grace with which God seeks to reach out to us in the waywardness of our disobedience and rebellion.

We’ll continue exploring this theme tomorrow.

PRAY AS YOU GO

Lord, sometimes it can be so hard dealing directly with conflict. I often wish that it would just go away. But I know that unresolved conflict can be such a destructive thing, robbing life of its richness. Help me to be courageous in confronting things that need confronting, in ways that are gracious and life-giving. Amen.

SCRIPTURE PASSAGE

2 Corinthians 2:9-11

The focus of my letter wasn't on punishing the offender but on getting you to take responsibility for the health of the church. So if you forgive him, I forgive him. Don't think I'm carrying around a list of personal grudges. The fact is that I'm joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us. After all, we don't want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we're not oblivious to his sly ways!