Speaking the truth...in love

DAILY BYTE

Yesterday we spoke about avoiding conflict, and said that the cost of avoiding conflict is usually too high. The failure to deal with conflict can breed all kinds of bitterness and resentment that diminishes the abundant life that God intends for us. Far better to address conflict when it arises, however uncomfortable that might be.

Of course, HOW we address conflict really matters too. There are people who quite frankly relish the prospect of ‘letting people have it’, in pointing out the faults of others. They ‘tell it like it is’, but in ways that can often be insensitive and unkind.

George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill were two men who both had a reputation for having a sharp wit and an even sharper tongue. On one occasion George Bernard Shaw sent Churchill a note that read, “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend…...if you have one!”

Churchill sent back the following reply, “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one!”

On another occasion Lady Astor, in a fit of exasperation, said to Winston Churchill, “Sir, if you were my husband, I’d poison your coffee.” To which Churchill replied, “Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”

We can chuckle at these sharp, witty retorts. But all too often, sharp words – however truthful they may be – can cut very deep, which is not very funny at all. Honesty that does not have the best interests of the hearer at heart is really a cruel form of selfishness.

This is what the author of the book of Ephesians meant when he spoke about the importance of “speaking the truth in love.” It’s a verse that has application to a range of different situations, but it certainly speaks to the ways in which we address conflict. It raises a fundamental question for us as to our motivation in confronting those with whom there may be a conflict. And that is, “Do we truly want what is best for them and what is best for our relationship with them?” If we’re clear about that question, then we can better weigh the words we use, and indeed the spirit and the heart behind the words, to judge whether we are indeed speaking the truth in love.

When the intention is to seek reconciliation, then we realize that if one person “loses” in the interchange, then both people in fact lose. It seems so obvious, but if someone is demeaned, humiliated and made to feel ashamed, then whatever conflict is being resolved is not really being resolved at all.

Yes, this is hard! But thankfully we are not alone. The work of reconciliation is one of Jesus’ specialities. And whenever we are honestly and earnestly engaged in such work, he is truly present. We’ll look at that tomorrow.

PRAY AS YOU GO

Lord, give me the courage to speak the truth. But also give me the grace to do so in love. Amen.

SCRIPTURE READING

Ephesians 4:4-16 (The Message)

You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift... He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

No prolonged infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.